Best Peanut Butter Cookies Ever

DESCRIPTION
Found this surprisingly simple peanut butter cookie recipe that uses NO FLOUR. I was amazed that it actually works.

I've altered it slightly. Halved the recipe for a smaller batch, included brown sugar and decreased the total amount of sugar just a bit.

I think this works best with an organic-type peanut butter, as opposed to one of the more homogeneous retail brands like JIF/Skippy. Something chunky to offer texture. Not a lot of added oil/sugar. (I used Brad's Organic Chunky Peanut Butter because it was the cheapest thing on the shelf: it was surprisingly/disconcertingly soupy—I poured it into a measuring cup without needing a knife/spoon—but it worked great in this recipe. Sole ingredient listed on the label: organic peanuts.)

The cookie it produces will melt in your mouth. Because of the lack of the flour, they'll crumble easier—so they may not be the best alternative for shipping long distances—but they're simply amazing and the recipe's dead easy. I think the taste of peanut butter is more intense because it's the dominant ingredient.

INGREDIENTS
1 cup (good) chunky peanut butter
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup white sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 pinch salt
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 350F.

Mix everything up.

Drop on parchment covered pan. Rounded balls, a good 2" apart. (The baking soda will make them spread.) Smash them flat, with your hand and/or a fork.

Bake 8-10 mins.

Let cool for about 5 minutes on a pan to let them set before removing them to a cooling rack to cool completely.

This makes a small batch. You can simply double the recipe to make more.

You MUST try these.

Sandra Lee's Cream Lemon

Sandy Lee made the following cocktail on her Semi-Homemade programme:

Vodka
Lemonade
Heavy Cream (!!!)

Somebody slowed down video of her drinking this and her wince is a startling poker-tell. (The animated gif above will save you the trouble of clicking through to the video.)

I haven't tried it myself but Sandra's infamous for some dangerously questionable concoctions. Caveat emptor.

Warm Sesame Noodles

DESCRIPTION
This one goes back to the heart of the origins of this blog: budget improvised food.

I've adapted this one from this "lo mein" recipe. I tried it out of curiosity and it's more like "sesame noodles".

All the measurements are estimates. Customize at will.

INGREDIENTS

1 (3 ounce) package ramen noodles (just toss the flavor packet)
2 teaspoons minced garlic
2 tablespoons oil
sesame oil (1-2 shakes)
1 teaspoon oyster sauce
1 chopped scallion
1 tablespoon soy sauce
1 tablespoon creamy peanut butter

OPTIONAL
sliced baby carrots
bean sprouts that have been soaked
thinly sliced meat

DIRECTIONS

Cook the ramen noodles (3 minutes in boiling water), then drain and set aside. Add your oils to that drained hot pot and start sauteing the scallions/veggies/meat. (You may want to do this longer if you're cooking raw meat.) Add everything else and stir quickly to establish a sauce.

Toss in the ramen noodles as the final step and incorporate everything really well. Add a bit more sesame oil if it's a little dry. You don't want to cook the ramen that much longer because they're already soft.

It works, really. You can totally improvise with the ingredients. (You may not need oyster sauce, but I had it on hand.) Cheap and quick and easy. Eat from a bowl using chopsticks to really sell the dish.

Deep Dish Pizza Project 2

DESCRIPTION

This version was adapted from a few new sources including this recipe. So many of the recipes posted on the internet claim to have it "right", supported by high ratings of others who've tested them.

ATTEMPT 3: INGREDIENTS
[CRUST]

1/4 C. corn meal
1/4 C. corn oil
1/4 C. butter-flavored CRISCO shortening
3/4 C. warm water
1 Tsp garlic powder
1 Tsp salt
1 Tsp sugar
3 C. all-purpose flour
1 packet yeast

[TOPPING]

Mozzarella
Canned crushed tomatoes
Grated hard cheese

DIRECTIONS

After the mix, REFRIGERATE OVERNIGHT. Everything else is pretty much standard. 450 degrees, 30 minutes or so.

VERDICT

I still haven't found what I'm looking for. This one produces a crust that is noticeably more "pastry-like", but it's not quite there.

The switch to "all-purpose" flour from bread flour arguably assists in producing a flakier (less "bready") crust. And the quality and brand of oils probably makes a difference in taste. (I used a regular Wesson Corn Oil, which was the only thing I could find nearby.)

It may be a game of percentages. I'm looking for a crust that is flaky, buttery, savory, without tasting inordinately *oily*. Some middle ground between a pie crust, a biscuit and a regular pizza crust. THIS RECIPE IS NOT THE ONE. It's not bad but it's not The One.

I no longer believe that eggs are part of the answer. I don't have a clear answer for my next move. If pushed to guess, I'd imagine a little less oil, a little more salt.

But this remains a mystery...

Deep Dish Pizza Project 1

DESCRIPTION

I've been tinkering with this, off and on, FOR YEARS. Trying to recreate a proper Chicago-style "deep dish pizza", in the vein of Pizzeria Uno or Lou Malnati's.

You would think that in the information age, this would be a no-brainer, but I have not been able to properly replicate the crust...

ATTEMPT 1: INGREDIENTS
[CRUST]

1/4 C. corn meal
1/4 C. olive oil
2 3/4 C. bread flour
1 C. warm water
1 packet yeast

[TOPPING]

Mozzarella
Canned crushed tomatoes
Grated hard cheese

DIRECTIONS

The directions are pretty straight-forward. I use a legit cast-iron skillet, for whatever that's worth. Generously grease the pan. Mold in the dough, cheese before tomatoes. Sprinkle top with grated cheese.

425 degrees F. 30-40 mins.

This is the most common crust recipe out there and it produces a pretty good result but it does NOT match up with what I've gotten from restaurants... and I'm convinced that it is the crust recipe... the crust here was a little too dry and brittle...

ATTEMPT 2: INGREDIENTS
[CRUST]

1/4 C. corn meal
1/4 C. olive oil
2 Tbls butter
2 egg yolks
2 Tbls sugar
1 Tsp salt
2 3/4 C. bread flour
1 C. warm water
1 packet yeast

[TOPPING]

Same as above

DIRECTIONS

Same drill in terms of prep and baking. I added egg yolks, butter and sugar to this recipe to make it more tender and savory. Slightly more like a brioche.

The result? I added a bit too much sugar which browned the crust a little much. Yolks produced a denser, richer crust but it still did not generate the rich, buttery crust that it needs to be.

Next time: less sugar, whole eggs.

KABOCHA SQUASH PIE

Has it been over a year, dormant blog?

This is from a NY Times article a friend shared with me.

I wanna try it:

Adapted from Pichet Ong
Time: About 2 1/2 hours

For the filling:
1 medium kabocha squash, about 3 pounds
10 ounces (1 1/3 cups) cream cheese, at room temperature
1 cup sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground ginger
3/4 teaspoon freshly ground nutmeg (about 1/4 of a nutmeg)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 tablespoons brandy
2 eggs at room temperature

For the crust:
3/4 cup (2 ounces) walnuts
1/2 cup, packed, light brown sugar
3/4 cup graham cracker crumbs (about 7 crackers)
Grated zest of 1 lime
3/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon ground ginger
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup (2 ounces) unsalted butter, melted
Crème fraîche, for serving (optional)
Ginger butterscotch sauce, for serving (see recipe).

1. For pie filling, bring an inch of water to a boil in a large covered pot fitted with a steamer basket or rack. Put in squash, cover and steam, replenishing water as needed, until fork tender, about 1 hour. Turn squash over halfway through steaming. Set squash aside until cool enough to handle.
2. Heat oven to 325 degrees. For crust, place walnuts on a baking tray, and toast in oven, stirring once or twice, until fragrant, about 15 minutes. Let cool. Reduce oven temperature to 300 degrees.
3. In a food processor, combine walnuts with a few tablespoons brown sugar and pulse a few times, until nuts are coarsely ground. In a large bowl, whisk nuts with graham cracker crumbs, remaining brown sugar, lime zest, spices and salt. Pour melted butter over this mixture, and mix with your fingers until butter is distributed. Press evenly into a 10-inch glass pie plate. Bake crust until lightly browned, about 12 minutes, then set aside. Keep oven at 300 degrees.
4. When squash is cool, cut it in half and scoop out seeds and pulp. Scoop squash flesh into a measuring cup until you have 2 1/2 cups.
5. In a food processor, process cream cheese with sugar, spices and salt until light and smooth. Scrape down bowl, add squash and process until smooth. Mix in brandy and then eggs, one at a time. Finish mixing with a rubber spatula.
6. Place pie plate on a baking sheet and scrape filling into crust. Bake until just set in center, about 1 hour. Let cool before serving, topped with crème fraîche and drizzled with butterscotch sauce.
Yield: 8 servings.

GINGER BUTTERSCOTCH SAUCE
Adapted from Pichet Ong
Time: 25 minutes plus 30 minutes' cooling

1 pound dark brown sugar
2 1/2 ounces (about 4 inches) fresh ginger root, peeled and sliced into coins
1 vanilla bean, split lengthwise, pulp scraped
10 tablespoons (5 ounces) unsalted butter, cubed
2 cups heavy cream
3/4 teaspoon salt.

1. Place sugar, ginger and vanilla pod and pulp in a heavy pot set over medium heat. Cook, stirring occasionally, until sugar is molten and fragrant with ginger and vanilla, about 8 minutes. (It won't melt entirely but will be somewhat crumbly.) Add butter (stand back, it will foam up), and stir until melted and smooth, about 2 minutes.
2. Pour cream and salt into pot, stirring, and bring to a simmer. Let sauce bubble until thickened, about 8 minutes. Let cool for at least 1/2 hour, then strain out ginger and vanilla pod. Warm sauce before serving. This sauce will keep for up to 2 weeks in refrigerator.
Yield: 3 1/2 cups.

Election Chocolate Pie

DESCRIPTION

Went to my polling site and voted this morning. There was a PTA bake sale in the lobby and I bought a slice of "fudge pie" from this statuesque MILF. Liked it so much (yeah, I ate a slice of chocolate pie for breakfast) that I went back in and asked for the recipe.

She looked at me a little strangely and I was afraid she might charge me for it, but she wrote it down for me. It was her Little Rock, Arkansas mother-in-law's recipe.

INGREDIENTS

(Pie Crust)
[Look up a decent pie crust recipe: she didn't offer up ingredients for the crust, which wasn't anything too special]

(Filling)
4 eggs
3 tbls Karo syrup
1 1/2 C. sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp salt
1 stick of butter, melted
3 oz. UNSWEETENED chocolate, melted

DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

Beat eggs. Dump in all the rest and use an electric mixer to incorporate really well.

Pour into your readied pie crust and bake for 35 minutes.

She called it a "fudge pie" and I was expecting it to be really dense like fudge, but it was surprisingly soft. Really simple but lovely.

Vote for change and eat some fucking chocolate pie, America.

Chicken Fried Steak Ice Cream

Hungry for an order of chicken fried steak ice cream?!

Get ready to be fucking appalled by 101 Frightening Ice Cream Flavors from AROUND THE WORLD!

The Hydrox Proxy

Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got till it's gone...?

They paved Paradise and put up a parking lot.

I had no idea that Hydrox Cookies:

A) Pre-dated OREOS
B) Are now a discontinued brand

For what it's worth, I do remember them. And I did prefer them. The taste was just subtly but distinctly superior.

It's good to mourn. You are not alone. (Check out "The Truth" on that Hydrox Cookie fan page.)

!!!UPDATE!!!
Back by popular demand...?

Fried Apple Pies

Are you young enough to remember McDonalds's original fried apple pies?

Largely retired since 1992, they're still out there if you're willing to travel. That's the fun thing about the old golden arches. They preach uniformity, but there's actually a great range of variation throughout their worldwide empire.

Or you can try one of the many recipes out there. That's filed under

Things I Will Do One Day When I'm Feeling Better About the World

Bow Down Before the One You Serve

Obey, Brad.

Obey.

Brad Renfro has a posse, now.

The fear is real inside your heart.

"Sister Cake"

From my mom...

Here's the recipe: 2 sticks of butter; 2 packets of yeast; 1 Liter of milk; 1 cup of raisins; 5 Lbs. of flour.

Warm the milk, take 1/2 cup warm milk and mix the yeast, melt the butter. In a bowl put all of the said ingredients then start adding the flour, I use up half of the bag, so it is about 2 1/2 lbs of the flour. If the wooden spatula can stand that means the mixture is good.

Cover and let it rise for 1/2 to 45'. The raisins I mix a little flour then once the mixture is fully rised add the raisins.

You need 4 foil bread tray. Fill it up with the mixture about half full.

Bake in a preheated 400 degrees oven for 45'.

Best Pesto

DESCRIPTION
Don't ask me about measurements on this one...

INGREDIENTS
a lot of garlic (a whole bulb, maybe)
walnuts
pine nuts
a bunch of fresh basil
a bunch of fresh parsley
a bunch of fresh spinach
a nice hunk of Parmigiano Reggiano
a lot of olive oil

DIRECTIONS
Okay, you know the drill with pesto. It's just a bunch of stuff all mashed up together, resulting in a green paste-like thing.

I saw this one on some tv show. They didn't give measurements, either. I think some cheese shop out West uses all these ingredients for their famous pesto. So I tried it, and it's great.

I've made pesto before, out of different ingredients. I've never *combined* ingredients like this one does. And it produces something special.

Restrictions

Wow. I guess if this blog were a movie, it'd be rated "R", sheerly based on language. Cock, shit, fuck and cunt.

It's a poorly updated foodie blog.

One day, when I get a new apartment with a really kick-ass kitchen and a lot more room to entertain, just you watch... this blog will come to motherfucking life again.

Blogs, they're cyclical.

The Life & Death of Jack Bourdain

I read Anthony Bourdain's "Kitchen Confidential" years ago. A fascinating read, infamously offering an insider's tour of a top NYC chef's world. The book made a big splash. It was set for a big fat movie adaptation called "Seared", with Brad Pitt set to star and David Fincher set to direct...

And then... it didn't happen. For any number of mysterious reasons that these things don't happen.

Then, by similarly mystical turns, it became a television show.

KITCHEN CONFIDENTIAL: THE COMPLETE SERIES is now available on DVD, featuring 13 episodes, 9 of them never broadcast.

SEX IN THE CITY's Darren Starr brought in writer David Hemingson, who used Bourdain's book as an inspiration for this ensemble comedy. Starring ALIAS's Bradley Cooper as a fictionalized "Jack Bourdain".

I had some issues with the show when I caught it during its abbreviated run. The depiction of sex throughout seemed forced to me. Every woman on the planet wants to fuck Bradley Cooper—I get it already! On what level was that supposed to be entertaining? The chef-as-rock-star conceit seemed to be aiming for a base audience.

But as the show went on, I felt like it began to find its voice. It didn't shy away from its foodie premise. The first sign of it, for me, was an episode called "Dinner Date with Death", with a fine guest star turn from John Larroquette as a gourmand who's trying to kill himself by dining on the richest foods.

That was followed by "French Fight", featuring Cooper's old ALIAS buddy Michael Vartan as a French Chef who wages a food fight with Chef Bourdain. And as far as guest stars go, it's hard to top SERENITY's lovely and amazing Morena Baccarin in the episode "An Affair to Remember".

Bradley Cooper graduated from J.J. Abrams's school of romantic comedy, and he puts it to good use here. Yes, Jack Bourdain gets entirely too much sex for us (me) to completely care about him, but Cooper manages to keep him very likable. And he's got a great ensemble cast backing him up. The writing's solid and it gets better as it goes. The show builds through 13 episodes. John Cho actually gets to kiss a girl. It was a good show!

Which is why it's such a shame that it was yanked. It really should have had a longer life than it did. With all the shows exploring the lives of cops, lawyers and doctors, I think the TV landscape could have used a good foodie sitcom.

At least Tony Bourdain's got the Travel Channel...

Empire of Deens

Hello, neglected blog that used to be about recipes! You disappeared for a few days, a casualty of BLOGGER migration, but it appears that you are back among the blogoverse.

Last week, thanks to my friend J-Goose, I saw Paula Deen & Family at the BORDERS in the Columbus Circle Mall -- a place I almost never go to.

Deen was promoting her new autobiography and the store had a stack of pre-signed copies. The place got pretty packed and the crowd embraced Paula like she were royalty. Approachable royalty.

To sweeten the pot, Paula had her husband Michael with her. And Jamie and Bobby even made a surprise appearance.

All right, I'm so jaded, it's appalling. And yet, it's a testament to Paula Deen that I still found her incredibly disarming. If it's an act, it's a hell of an act. She can emote Damien Rice off a stage. She's charismatic, her kids are charismatic. It's more than that sheen of celebrity. That's part of it. But they just seem... genuine. They just seem like good people, and you're inclined to feel happy for their success.

DVR ALERT -- after years of turning it down, Paula says she finally agreed to participate in an Iron Chef competition. For cookies. Wonder who she'd be going up against? (I'm praying it's Nigella Lawson.)

While we're talking Food Network (and I hate for this to degenerate into a Food Network Commentary blog, because I haven't even been watching much of Food Network lately -- but I don't have any damn recipes to share, so what the fuck am I going to do here?), I been going to the Chelsea Market recently because I've had to be around there due to a project I've been working on. Anyway, it's the strangest place because it always seems like a bit of a ghost town, but there's a lot of cool foodie shit there. Even though I've got no real need for any of it as -- if I 'aven't a'ready mentioned -- I'm not much of a cooker lately, guv!

Jesus Christ, this is a good blog entry.

Bourdain Throwdown

Love him, hate him -- I think Anthony Bourdain's just grand. "Kitchen Confidential" is a great read.

Here is a terrific little guest blog entry by him, breaking down his thoughts on the current state of FOOD TV. I think it's hilarious how thorough he is! For all his critiques, this is a man who has seriously watched the FOOD NETWORK!

Iron Heat

My apologies for how poorly this blog has been kept. Not much of a cooker these days, and what I do prepare isn't worth sharing. (Trust me.)

Well, here's a special update. A secret blog entry -- since it feels inappropriate for my other blogs and this blog probably gets zero traffic at this point.

I recently watched the special Iron Chef showdown,

Rachel Ray vs Giada De Laurentiis!

I've gone the extra mile and uploaded screencaps: an exceptionally cumbersome thing I rarely trouble with.

I won't be giving a beat-by-beat recap. That'd be better served by someone else's blog. I won't even be dwelling much on the actual food aspects, or the final scorecard:
I found the idea more interesting than the actual produced show.

Some people would ask, why would they do this? Pit two of their most popular "food stars" against each other?

I ask, what took them so long?

I think one of the fascinating things about "food tv" is that a person can have a food show, or multiple food shows, yet have questionable culinary credentials. RR's got some restaurant experience, but not as a chef. G-Delly's been to pastry school, I think. Neither has been the chef of a restaurant, which seems to be a prerequisite for Iron Chef challengers. That said, the beloved Paula Deen and the distasteful Emeril have been curiously absent from Iron Chef. I reckon some of the TV personalities are probably a bit chickenshit. Which is why my respect for both RR and G-Del has suffered a boost.

Iron Chef America does a good job of casting its Food-TV personalities...
Alton Brown is the perfect man for color commentary, able to fill time with secret-ingredient fun facts from his encyclopedic food-geek knowledge.
Kevin Brauch used to have a show called "The Thirsty Traveler", which was basically a globe-spanning bar crawl. He's got an easy rapport with Alton and it's nice to see him working. Some Food-TV Stars are challengers, some are just reliable support staff. Again, respect for RR and GDL throwing caution to the wind and agreeing to the challenge.

Of course, at the top of the show, both ladies are let off the hook by news that they'll be "assisted" by the Iron Chefs who trained them...

The relieved G-Del linked with

BOBBY FLAY!!!

The irrepressible RR linked with

MARIO BATALI!!!
Yes, it's a total cheat. RR and GDL are reduced to being assistants.

Non-sequitur shout out to the lovely Cat Cora. Who wasn't used, but I uploaded her picture anyway because I'm an admirer of her steely, reserved beauty.

Hey, the competition out the window, let's focus on the superficial things...
Battle Cranberry gives us the opportunity to compare
The aerobicized Princess Giada, and
The plucky ex-cheerleader Rachel...

First time I saw Giada, I thought "Natalie Portman". I thought, "This person is way too pretty to be a cooker." I grew up watching Julia Child and The Frugal Gourmet. When Giada filled a pot of boiling water with pasta on her show, it was shot as if it were a sex scene.

By contrast, Rachel always came across as unstoppably perky. Pretty, but not the kind of pretty that makes you do a double-take (like Giada). The kind of pretty that grows on you.

But as long as we're talking pretty, stop the press...
Jill Bernstein. Senior Editor of Entertainment Weekly.
I ended up uploading an inordinate number of screencaps of this judge...
Yes, I understand why they'd load the panel with "easy" judges, but why would they pick a judge that's prettier than both of their stars...?
Jill Bernstein. Prettiest girl in the classroom.
Jill Bernstein. The radiant girl you had a crush on in 9th grade and never said anything to.
Jill Bernstein. [Something to describe Jill Bernstein.]
I bet she's got a really attractive fiancé...

Yes. I'm very lonely and have entirely too much time to think about it.

Aside from dreaming about which pretty girl I'd most like to go out with in my fantasy world, the actual show was pretty dull. Giada and Bobby were slightly more crazed. Rachel and Mario didn't break a sweat.

In a bold move, Mario prepared drinks for the judges.
Alton tried to get Flay to comment on the move but
Flay couldn't be bothered to say something witty. He seemed fairly humorless throughout. Just like he is on his "Throwdown" show. He's got a competitive streak that doesn't let up, even when he's supposed to be playing second fiddle to the Italian Princess. Ain't no "friendly competition" in him.

My interest reignited during the final judging...

While the judges were about the gentlest judges I've ever seen on the show...
(I love you, Jill...)
When Giada/Bobby (Giadobby) unveiled their ravioli with crumbled biscotti...
The clean-shaven judge dared to comment -- ever so apologetically -- that it wasn't entirely his cup of tea.
Resulting in a notably unhappy GDL. Yes, there was an element of mugging for the cameras, but she seemed genuinely hurt. Clearly not accustomed to ANYONE disliking her cooking and telling her about it. And this judge was not mean in offering her criticism. He seemed extremely reluctant to have to say it, in fact.

Make no mistake, this is where the show started getting hot.

I was never a big fan of Rachel Ray. I never quite made it to the "Rachel Ray Sucks" level, but I also wasn't inclined to keep the channel set whenever "30-Minute Meals" or "$40 a Day" came on.
But something happens when she relaxes that black-hole smile of hers. And don't get me wrong, it's an adorable black-hole of a smile. But watching her at her final judging on this show... trying to maintain a modest smile while gentle criticisms floated toward her... the forced smile she flashes up at Mario...
Or this shot. As several judges tell her that her pasta is slightly undercooked. If you watch the video, it almost looks like her heart is breaking. To suffer such an unimaginable insult. And to have to take it without cracking. Her sexy smoker's voice uncharacteristically low -- humble -- as she mumbles, "Gotta cook it a little longer, hyeh..."
I'm sure she's not as perky in person as she is as a television persona. (How could anyone be? They'd die from the toxicity.) But watching the enthusiasm drain from her visage made me realize how gorgeous she can be. Maybe not as gorgeous as a Jill Bernstein... but a warmer, girl-next-door gorgeous.
Watching her try to force the pluckiness made it even more endearing. You could start to see the war beneath the teeth. This woman is TRYING.
In the end, the losers seemed genuinely bitter/hurt. As friendly as the match was supposed to be, you could see the loss meant something. Check out the murder in Bobby's face. The humility as Giada's lips disappear.
Mario just waltzed through the whole show and doesn't seem the least bit surprised at the outcome. Rachel looks like she's just gotten the Malibu Barbie Dream House for Christmas.

But was this ever about food?

I say, Rachel Ray wins this one, hands down. For winning my heart. Arguably the most over-exposed of the lot, she managed to come across as disarmingly human and girlfriendable.

The runner-up is Jill Bernstein. Points lost for being a bit too pretty and thus not quite girlfriendable.

Third place, sadly, Giada De Laurentiis. Points off for covergirl looks and a Hollywood bloodline. The show didn't humanize her for me. Which is probably why I uploaded so few stills of her.

Whoa. This was a lot of work just to illustrate how lonely my life is. A long way to go for such a sad and obvious point!

Merry Chrimbo!